I will cross that bridge when I get there...

For as long as I can remember my Mom has been my protector, my best friend, my confidant, my cheerleader!  She always lit up when she saw my face or heard my voice on the daily phone calls or shopping trips we have had over the years.  My Mom had a pretty rough beginning, she had some serious fun, she had some huge heartaches,  the final one being from the man she gave everyone up for.  I will tell our story over time, I am absolutely dedicated to giving her a happy ending - despite the horrific news she got,  and literally never even cared about.  

You see, my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease a few years ago.  As time goes on, I am beginning to doubt this diagnosis.  Am I in denial?  It is definitely possible.  But I decided to write this blog after I dove into Alzheimers, made myself want to throw up and cried myself to sleep after tossing the book the doctor recommended and the computer with all the horror stories aside.  My Mom always says (to this day) "this too shall pass" and "tomorrow is a new day" and everything will work itself out!  I heard her voice in my head and decided to embrace a new mantra and I remind myself often.  "I will cross that bridge when I get there"  I decided to live in the moment and enjoy the time and special moments I have left with my beautiful Mother.  I grieved her that night.  I grieved the relationship that we once had for as long as I can remember.  That Mom is gone, the tables have been turned, I am now the mother, best friend, protector and cheerleader to her. I do get glimpses from time to time, more often now than ever.  And I can still talk to her and she can give me her same soothing advice.  It's imbedded in her memory, or maybe she's just doing so much better lately, since the stress finally went out of her life.

I am no great writer by any way shape or form.  My vocabulary is pretty basic and honestly I have never been good at writing or knowing exactly where the comma's go and I am in love with the exclamation point.  I usually have to go back and take some out because I sound just waaaaay to excited.  I write run on sentences and switch from present to past tense in any given paragraph.  I will do my best to proof read and try to make sure it make sense and hope you don't hold it against me!  If I try too hard to have a perfect sentence, I feel like the content will suffer.   That being said my kids have told me over the years I can write a mean letter!!!  I feel things very deeply.  I analyze everything!  I am always looking for solutions and trying to fix problems and relationships (that matter to me).   I am pretty impulsive and sometimes I regret the things I do and say when I lose my temper.   Thank GOD the people who mean everything to me understand this about me and are loving and forgiving and take my temper tantrums with a grain of salt.  The ones that don't understand I honestly have no regrets about and have never tried to make amends with or apologize to.   These people wouldn't like to read this blog, they want to hate me and blame me for everything that went down.  I know the truth, and I pray they never even find this blog.  I hope the people who do find it are ones who have gotten this life changing news about themselves or a loved one - and they find comfort and hope from our story.  Hopefully they can decide to cross that bridge when they get there and try to live in the present.   

I always say my Mom's Angels are working overtime up there because the last 6 months has been nothing short of miraculous.  Thank you for all your help Aunty, Grampy and the rest of our Angels  <3 We love and miss you!!!